IF FAMOUS WOMEN WERE FOOTBALL TEAMS

Birmingham - Pamela Anderson:
Used to look good in the cups but now a declining force.Millions watched them get a good seeing to.

Wigan - Davina McCall:
Poor attendances confirm they've been promoted above their ability.

Portsmouth - Girls Aloud:
Only one real class act amongst the hastily assembled line up.You shouldn't like them but admit it,you've sneaked the occasional admiring glance.

Sunderland - Kerry Katona:
Once the people's favourite but now an embarrassment.Fun while it lasted-now disappear to where you came from.

Spurs - Keira Knightley:
Undeniably easy on the eye with an attractive English spine.Proof that two little ones up front needn't be a drawback.

Everton - Dannii Minogue:
The poor relation to the more glamorous sibling.Can anyone remember the last time they were supposed to be any good.

Fulham - Charlotte Church:
Proof that Money can't buy you class.Could look more attractive if the Welsh bloke was given the elbow.

Arsenal - Jordan:
Were more likeable when they weren't packed out with expensive foreign implants.

Newcastle - Jodie Marsh:
Impressive front two but embarrassing at the back.Had surgery but need a lot more work to compete at a higher level.

Aston Villa - Dido:
Bland,boring and still trading off the one big hit they had years ago.

Liverpool - Sophie Ellis-Bextor:
Individually all the components look great but stick them together and it just doesn't work.

Chelsea - Rachel Stevens:
You'd rather just watch them rather than listen to all that painful whining.

Bolton - Clare Balding:
You wouldn't.Not even if they were the last left on earth.

Manchester Utd - Catherine Zeta-Jones:
Used to look great until they were shafted by an old fat American with too much money.