Fantastic.Another blast from the past.Who is the Superhero? Sarge? Rosemary? Henry???

What Did I Do Wrong?

It wasn't a bad day at work. I'd had better,but I'd had much worse.The drive home was okay too.All in all I was in an okay mood considering I'd been up since 4.30am and just done a 12 hour shift.How all that was about to change.
I walked into the house and gave my girls a hug and kiss.Then I turned to Gill and there it was.
INSIDE THE MIND OF A MAN,by Gill Mclean. Read this!, I was ordered.Gulp!

"Have you ever really looked at a man's face when you tell him there's something you want to talk about?Something that is highly important to you( at the time) and you need to discuss it with him.
First comes the FEAR. That wide-eyed alarmed look.(Oh no!She wants to talk about something serious-like feelings.Aaaaargh.)
Then he relaxes a little bit when you start.It's not about feelings-well not those kind anyway!.

Next when he thinks you might be having a go-the HURT look.(I hope your not suggesting I'm unsympathetic to your needs darling!.Of course darling,I understand.)

The DEFENSIVE look comes next.(I do my best you know.Maybe you should be a little less sensitive.)Don't be silly.

The CONFUSED look.(Where the hell have I gone wrong?I don't sit in the pub every night.What more does she want.What the hell is she talking about.The football is about to start.I hope she's not going to be long.)

Just when your getting to the real crux of the matter and he realises you're not leaving and your just being a typical woman and blowing off steam-THE GLAZED EYES LOOK.
You know you're losing him,the eyes glaze over and he inches nearer and nearer to the staircase.
(I'm really tired darling.I'm just going to bed now.)

And then you're left downstairs wondering why you ever thought he would understand and kicking yourself for having revealed all your innermost thoughts when he is upstairs snoring his head off without a care in the world and you're left feeling worse than you did to start with."

Panic!Was my first thought after I finished reading her take on men.Her take on ME! Christ.Have I started talking in my sleep or something.I gave her a hug and then sat sheepishly eating my dinner which Gill had lovingly prepared.I then had a shower and came back downstairs and sat along with Gill,watching a little tv.

Finally Gill turned and asked me what I thought of her little piece of literature.
I just yawned and said I was off to bed.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GIRLS AND BOYS

Girls Diary:

Sunday:Saw John this evening and he was acting really strangely.I went shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so I thought it might be that.

The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk.He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere nice to eat.

All through dinner he just didn't seem himself.He hardly laughed and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or what I was saying,like he was in his own little world.I just knew that something was wrong.

He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in.He hesitated,but followed. I asked him again if there was something the matter but he just half shook his head forlornly.
After about 10 minutes of silence,I said I was going upstairs to bed.

I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him dearly.He just gave a sigh,and a sad sort of smile.He didn't follow me up however much later he did join me and I was surprised when we made love.He still seemed distant and a bit cold,and I started to think that he was going to leave me....that he had found someone else.

I cried myself to sleep.


Boys Diary:

Sunday:Arsenal got beat today.Still got laid though.

Yes! I got the clip I was looking for.Top Gear is pure and simply the greatest tv show ever.(Well on British tv anyway!!!)

"Bless me Father,for I have sinned.I have been with a loose woman."
The Priest asks,"Is that you,little Frankie Pierce?"
"Yes Father,it is."
"And who is the woman you were with?"
"I can't be tellin' you Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well Frankie,I'm sure to find out sooner or later,so you may as well tell me now."
"Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Sheilah O'Brien?"
"I'm sorry,but I cannot name her."
"Was it Kathleen Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona Grogan,then?"
"Please Father,I cannot tell."
The Priest sighs in frustration."You're a steadfast lad,Frankie Pierce,and I admire that.But you've sinned,and you must atone.You cannot attend church mass for three months.Be off with you now."
Frankie walks back to his pew.His friend Sean slides over and whispers,"What'd you get?"
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"Three months vacation and five good leads!"

FAMOUS QUOTES ABOUT MARRIAGE

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette.

When a man steals your wife,there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry.

After marriage,husband and wife become two sides of a coin;they just can't face each other,but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi.

By all means marry.If you get a good wife,you'll be happy.If you get a bad one,you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates.

Woman inspires us to do great things,and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas.

The great question...which I have not been able to answer...is,"What does a woman want.
Sigmund Freud.

I had some words with my wife,and she had some paragraphs with me.
Annon.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week.A little candlelight,dinner,soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays,I go Fridays.
Henry Youngman.

I don't worry about terrorism.I was married for two years.
Sam Kinison.

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
James Holt McGavran.

I've had bad luck with both my wifes.The first one left me and the second one didn't.
Patrick Murray.

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1.Whenever you're wrong,admit it,
2.Whenever you're right,shut up.
Nash.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Annon.

You know what I did before I got married?Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years.Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle.

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Annon.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds:"Wife wanted".The next day he received a hundred letters.They all said the same thing:"You can have mine."
Annon.

First Guy(proudly):"My wife's an angel!"Second Guy:"You're lucky,mine's still alive.
Annon.

I can't take credit for any of the above,so please lady's don't direct your fury at me.

Just found this one too and had to add it in.Anything that mocks religion is fine by me!

Eurotrip-what a load of Americanised versioned tosh of Europe.I loved it(apart from Vinnie and the Manky Mancs). It was just such a pile of cheese. Fortunately I like cheese.

Police Squad. Didn't you just love it. I can't believe they only made six episodes. Comic genius.
Practically the same jokes in every episode but who cares. From hitting a dustbin every time he parked, shootouts six feet apart, Shoeshine Johnny, crime scene body drawings to the freeze frame at the end, I just loved it. Frank Drebin-crimefighter extrordinaire.

Superb! A collection of clips from my favourite film.

??????WHY?

A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The Pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month".

The couple agreed and after two and a half weeks returned to the Church.

When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying and the husband obviously very depressed. "You are back so soon...Is there a problem?" the Pastor inquires. "We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month..." the young man replied sadly.

The Pastor asked him what happened. "Well, the first week was difficult ...However,we managed to abstain through sheer willpower.
The second week was terrible,but with the use of prayer we managed to abstain.However the third week was unbearable.
We tried cold showers,prayer,reading from the Bible...anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts.
One after noon my wife reached for a can of peas and dropped it.
When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there." admitted the young man,shamefaced.
"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our Church",stated the Pastor.
"We know." said the young man,hanging his head...................
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"We're not welcome at Tesco any more ,either."

It's nice to know that she really cares about this kid!!!

Didn't they really use this at the start of one of the episodes?

I always new that there was something dark and sinister about classical music. Now I know what it is.Darth Vader is using it to defeat the Rebels and take over the universe.

I can't remember much about the Monty's and the Holy Grail as it was years ago that I saw it.If it's as funny as this then I'll have to get a copy.This is amazing.

This is quite funny and clever but he must have been really bored one day to discover this talent.

Talk about toilet humour! Which one would you rather do? I'd rather be out of work.

As I said earlier about Gill hogging the remote,here's the remote for our new tv.

I like a good laugh so I'm going to start a list of any other blog sites that I find quite funny.

brooklynfrank.blogspot.com
R2K.blogspot.com

Top Gear Soccer

This looks major fun.They also did an ice hockey version which I will try to get a hold of.

Lotus Exige vs. Apache Helicopter

Here's one for all the men out there.Grrrrrr.Wouldn't you just love Jeremy Clarkson's job.I wouldn't mind a go of the Apache either.

Here's a copy of an e-mail I was sent.You might find it interesting,you might find it nerdy but I don't know how much of it is true.

In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.
Hence we have "the rule of thumb".
Many years ago in Scotland,a new game was invented.It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden" ...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women ,but women can hear better.
Coca-cola was originally green.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The average number of people airborne over the US in any given hour is 61 000.
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The first novel ever written on a typewriter was Tom Sawyer.
111,111,111 x 111,111,111=12,345,678,987,654,321.
Bullet-proof vests,fire escapes,windshield wipers and laser printers were all invented by women.
Honey is the only food that doesn't spoil.

Try this one for size:
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg.The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef,but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig,did you manage it?

AND FINALLY

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

It's not difficult to make a woman/man happy.

For a woman a man need only be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. compassionate
44. passionate

Without forgetting to:

1. give her regular compliments
2. love shopping
3. be honest
4. be very rich
5. not stress her out
6. not look at other girls

And at the same time,you must also:

1. give lots of attention,but expect little in return
2. give her lots of time,especially for herself
3. give her lots of space,never worrying about where she goes

It is also very important:

Never to forget birthdays,anniversaries and arrangements she makes.

How to make a man happy:

1. show up naked
2. bring beer

Sites For The Kids:
If your kids like messing about on the computer then here is a couple of sites that are safe and fun for them.I'll update more as my two stumble across them.

www.bratz.com
www.stardoll.com
www.pollypocket.everythinggirl.com

Flash » Mashed Taters (Potatoes) Here's a site the kids somehow found.They think it's hilarious(So do I actually).

Here's my girls.Gorgeous ain't they.This picture was taken on Christmas Day 2005 and it's probably my favourite picture of them all.

Thierry Henry

The legend that is Thierry Henry.As you can probably tell,I'm a bit of an Arsenal fan and this guy is a bit of a hero to me.I found this excellent video on Google.Nice one to the producer.For any Americans out there who are just getting into proper FOOTball (not your football where you use your hands!!!) then Arsenal and the man in this video are the one's to watch.Enjoy.

Seemingly she was offering a large reward but nobody came forward with any information.

Aw man! Do you think he had a hangover in the morning.

Borat Trailer

I haven't seen the film yet but if the trailer's anything to go by I think I'll probably wet myself with laughter when I do.

IF FAMOUS WOMEN WERE FOOTBALL TEAMS

Birmingham - Pamela Anderson:
Used to look good in the cups but now a declining force.Millions watched them get a good seeing to.

Wigan - Davina McCall:
Poor attendances confirm they've been promoted above their ability.

Portsmouth - Girls Aloud:
Only one real class act amongst the hastily assembled line up.You shouldn't like them but admit it,you've sneaked the occasional admiring glance.

Sunderland - Kerry Katona:
Once the people's favourite but now an embarrassment.Fun while it lasted-now disappear to where you came from.

Spurs - Keira Knightley:
Undeniably easy on the eye with an attractive English spine.Proof that two little ones up front needn't be a drawback.

Everton - Dannii Minogue:
The poor relation to the more glamorous sibling.Can anyone remember the last time they were supposed to be any good.

Fulham - Charlotte Church:
Proof that Money can't buy you class.Could look more attractive if the Welsh bloke was given the elbow.

Arsenal - Jordan:
Were more likeable when they weren't packed out with expensive foreign implants.

Newcastle - Jodie Marsh:
Impressive front two but embarrassing at the back.Had surgery but need a lot more work to compete at a higher level.

Aston Villa - Dido:
Bland,boring and still trading off the one big hit they had years ago.

Liverpool - Sophie Ellis-Bextor:
Individually all the components look great but stick them together and it just doesn't work.

Chelsea - Rachel Stevens:
You'd rather just watch them rather than listen to all that painful whining.

Bolton - Clare Balding:
You wouldn't.Not even if they were the last left on earth.

Manchester Utd - Catherine Zeta-Jones:
Used to look great until they were shafted by an old fat American with too much money.

Thierry Henry Home Game

Not very photogenic the Manc's are they.Here's a taster of Super Henry.More to follow.

Worst police dog in the world.

Even my Dad could outrun this pair.You'd probably get licked to death if you got caught.If the boss sees this it could be p45's for both of them.

Darth Vader Calls The Emperor

Darth Vader Calls The Emperor after the death star blows up. How hilarious is this!